Working at "Because Justice Matters" is rewarding and i am happy that God's sovereignty placed me here. But might i say that some of the work i do is incredibly frustrating.
Right now i am in the process of investigating and writing 23 reports on 23 different "massage parlors" in the Tenderloin area. To do this research i must read many, many reviews from men who frequent these massage parlors for sex. This means i have to read the graphic details. I'm pretty good at guarding my mind for the most part but i will say that it gets really disheartening when i read reviews that say " these girl want to be here...they aren't trafficked and even if they are, take that up with the politicians! I just wanna have a good time". Really, really frustrating.
I think God has placed me in this specific area purposely as i believe he does everything he does for a purpose. For one i think i am able to give grace to these men easier than alot of girls. I don't judge them. I pray for them because its obvious they have brokenness as well as the people who are running these brothels. I think its easy to get angry at these people but God is really teaching me..
Have grace.
And that is something that my brother in law Phillip always tells me when i am in a situation with a person who its hard to have grace with. I really, really love Phillip Wood. He is an amazing brother in law. He has so much wisdom and love to give. He told me before i left that it would be hard and i knew that was probably true, but i don't think i felt the weight of that until i got here. Most days are pretty good and i don't have to feel so emotionally and spiritually burdened. The next two weeks though ( my last) are going to be the hardest because of this investigation. Just like a race i will finish strong with God's strength and i know i can get through it if i rely on Him.
Back to Phillip, if you're reading this, i just want to tell you thank you for playing such a huge part in my life and encouraging me to follow the path God has laid out for me. Even though its been quite a dramatic journey at times, its been worth it and i know this is what God has called me to. Now i understand what it means to "take up my cross" and really follow Christ. it would be so much easier to work in a different field but God hasn't called us to easy.
Thanks Phillip for being such an encouragement :) I love you and can't wait to tell you all about my time here!
Lastly, i leave you all with this verse of encouragement:
"Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"- Luke 12:22-34
Monday, August 1, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
My mom.
I've decided to write a blog about my mom. Every week i think i might pick someone to blog about....family, friends etc... :) Who better to start off with than the one who physically gave me life, eh?
My mom has always told me that "family will always be there" and this hadn't landed on me until my stay in San Francisco. Suddenly i was thrust into an environment where select people didn't get my jokes, think i was funny, smart, talented or really all that interesting. I shut down. I was so used to having a mother who encouraged me and told me each day how "amazing" i was. Of course i always laughed off her compliments, but they were also nice to hear.
Since being here i have learned not to find my worth in other people's opinion of me and to find my worth ultimately in God. I have also learned that i actually care way more what my mother thinks of me than random people i've only known a short time. She has encouraged me along the way, even telling me of a previous and similar experience she had one summer many years ago. She works so hard. She has 3 jobs and works nights at the hospital on weekends ( they SO over-work her). And yet, she always goes in and does it. She perseveres even when she deals with tiredness ( emotionally...physically) and she is a huge inspiration to me to keep going down the path God has for me even when its hard because the reward out weighs the hard journey.
What i miss/love about her:
Her smile, her COOKING ( dear lord..), her random and loud outburst of song and dance, her listening to me when no one else will ( and actually caring what i say), that she is obsessed with vampire books and movies and this gives me hope she will obsess about Harry Potter with me too, her cute style, the way she loves our dogs even though they smell bad and annoy me, and how adorable she is in general! She scrapbooks and makes stationary for me all the time. I just think its cute.
I'm actually tearing up writing this. I miss my mom but i get to see her in two weeks so its all good :) i just wanted to write about her and tell yall why she is a special person to me.
My mom has always told me that "family will always be there" and this hadn't landed on me until my stay in San Francisco. Suddenly i was thrust into an environment where select people didn't get my jokes, think i was funny, smart, talented or really all that interesting. I shut down. I was so used to having a mother who encouraged me and told me each day how "amazing" i was. Of course i always laughed off her compliments, but they were also nice to hear.
Since being here i have learned not to find my worth in other people's opinion of me and to find my worth ultimately in God. I have also learned that i actually care way more what my mother thinks of me than random people i've only known a short time. She has encouraged me along the way, even telling me of a previous and similar experience she had one summer many years ago. She works so hard. She has 3 jobs and works nights at the hospital on weekends ( they SO over-work her). And yet, she always goes in and does it. She perseveres even when she deals with tiredness ( emotionally...physically) and she is a huge inspiration to me to keep going down the path God has for me even when its hard because the reward out weighs the hard journey.
What i miss/love about her:
Her smile, her COOKING ( dear lord..), her random and loud outburst of song and dance, her listening to me when no one else will ( and actually caring what i say), that she is obsessed with vampire books and movies and this gives me hope she will obsess about Harry Potter with me too, her cute style, the way she loves our dogs even though they smell bad and annoy me, and how adorable she is in general! She scrapbooks and makes stationary for me all the time. I just think its cute.
I'm actually tearing up writing this. I miss my mom but i get to see her in two weeks so its all good :) i just wanted to write about her and tell yall why she is a special person to me.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
When soul meets body
Tonight me, Lina(intern), Maggie( intern) and Jen (staff) went out to Broadway and did a strip club outreach. We brought cute bags with makeup inside ready for 9 clubs. We prayed days beforehand and a few hours before going out, me and the interns prayed for about an hour. We prayed for the women we would encounter, the bouncers, managers etc and just that God would give us favor and open doors.
God blew us away.
We decided to go to the easy clubs first ( the ones we already had relationships with). I got the privilege of talking to a few women before entering the 2nd club with Jen. Let me rewind first though....Earlier that day i was having a pretty crappy day. Things just werent going as i wanted and i was finding myself filled with my own flesh rather than the spirit and i didn't like it. Luckily, we prayed before we went out and i think that really helped me to get into the right mind set and prepare me for what i was about to experience. Before, i was nervous....anxious and really almost wanted to cop out and say " i can't do this...its too much". But i persevered and went into the club with a peace in me. Yes..there was alot of nakedness, but you learn to look into people's eyes, smile and ask their name and that all goes away. If you know me though, you know how awkward i am and how much i do not enjoy seeing people without clothes. It goes without saying that God took me out of my comfort zone.
We also talked to many of the bouncers and prayed for them. What was interesting was that nearly ALL of them, including some managers asked us to pray they would find another job and one said " i feel stuck". It was apparent to me that not only are the girls in this industry feeling trapped, but the people who are running it are AS WELL. How huge is that?
We were able to pray for many of the women as well and Jen said she couldnt believe how much favor from God we had. We were able to go into clubs that usually they havent gone into. It was like a full on miracle. Every encounter seemed to reveal to us that God was present and with us and had intricately woven this night out before we had even prayed for him to. One bouncer we prayed for nearly cried. I'm serious. Lina told him he was worthy and that she saw that he had hopes and dreams and that God was going to get him out of the industry. before she had said this, he was closed off and seemed like he didn't care to be prayed for, but his eyes looked into hers and his whole face shifted as if he really believed what she was saying and he knew it was true that he was unhappy in this business. I almost cried. It was just so obvious that God was working on the hearts of these people. And to add to that, one bouncer we talked to didnt want us to pray for him at first and then we "accidentally" ( no accident here) ran into him later and he asked us to pray for his friend and then said God is too busy to answer HIS prayers. We told him that God is big enough to care and the look in his eyes.......man. It was just such a sweet moment. Like he really received that as truth.
All in all, it was a great night. We met alot of people and it was just good to realize that God IS good. Even at a couple of clubs, we didnt get to go inside but we trusted God was still good and one of those clubs happend to be the one where we prayed for the man who i mentioned earlier. If we had gone in, that conversation would not have happend. God's is sovereign. Period.
And i can't tell you how many people said "you made my night". It was just a great experience and i know this is an issue that most people don't talk about. But we have to go to these places and meet people where they're at. Obviously, its complicated at times, but the Holy spirit is in control. And i am MORE than okay with that.
God blew us away.
We decided to go to the easy clubs first ( the ones we already had relationships with). I got the privilege of talking to a few women before entering the 2nd club with Jen. Let me rewind first though....Earlier that day i was having a pretty crappy day. Things just werent going as i wanted and i was finding myself filled with my own flesh rather than the spirit and i didn't like it. Luckily, we prayed before we went out and i think that really helped me to get into the right mind set and prepare me for what i was about to experience. Before, i was nervous....anxious and really almost wanted to cop out and say " i can't do this...its too much". But i persevered and went into the club with a peace in me. Yes..there was alot of nakedness, but you learn to look into people's eyes, smile and ask their name and that all goes away. If you know me though, you know how awkward i am and how much i do not enjoy seeing people without clothes. It goes without saying that God took me out of my comfort zone.
We also talked to many of the bouncers and prayed for them. What was interesting was that nearly ALL of them, including some managers asked us to pray they would find another job and one said " i feel stuck". It was apparent to me that not only are the girls in this industry feeling trapped, but the people who are running it are AS WELL. How huge is that?
We were able to pray for many of the women as well and Jen said she couldnt believe how much favor from God we had. We were able to go into clubs that usually they havent gone into. It was like a full on miracle. Every encounter seemed to reveal to us that God was present and with us and had intricately woven this night out before we had even prayed for him to. One bouncer we prayed for nearly cried. I'm serious. Lina told him he was worthy and that she saw that he had hopes and dreams and that God was going to get him out of the industry. before she had said this, he was closed off and seemed like he didn't care to be prayed for, but his eyes looked into hers and his whole face shifted as if he really believed what she was saying and he knew it was true that he was unhappy in this business. I almost cried. It was just so obvious that God was working on the hearts of these people. And to add to that, one bouncer we talked to didnt want us to pray for him at first and then we "accidentally" ( no accident here) ran into him later and he asked us to pray for his friend and then said God is too busy to answer HIS prayers. We told him that God is big enough to care and the look in his eyes.......man. It was just such a sweet moment. Like he really received that as truth.
All in all, it was a great night. We met alot of people and it was just good to realize that God IS good. Even at a couple of clubs, we didnt get to go inside but we trusted God was still good and one of those clubs happend to be the one where we prayed for the man who i mentioned earlier. If we had gone in, that conversation would not have happend. God's is sovereign. Period.
And i can't tell you how many people said "you made my night". It was just a great experience and i know this is an issue that most people don't talk about. But we have to go to these places and meet people where they're at. Obviously, its complicated at times, but the Holy spirit is in control. And i am MORE than okay with that.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Week 1
So, i survived my first week in San Fran! It's only been a week but has felt like a month. This place will do that to you.
When i first got to the base ( YWAM), i walked into the drop in center ( the Ellis Room), which is where our homeless ministry goes on primarily. It was chaotic, loud and i hadn't slept a wink on the plane, so i was a bit overwhelmed to say the least. I went to my room and found a bunk ( i have 4 roommates) then one of the interns took me out to brunch. After that i went back to my room to read over my manual and i called my sister and my mom. I tried to sound happy on the phone but my attempts failed. It was obvious to both of them i didn't want to be here. In fact i said " i hate it here. I want to go home....now.". I didn't feel very welcomed at first and i was meeting so many people that it was difficult to remember names and while the city is interesting, it is also kind of a hard place. Ex: I saw a woman searching the cracks in the sidewalk for crack this morning. However, the week got better...then it got stagnant, then bad again. Yeah, kind of a rollercoaster. The ministry itself is awesome and i love what we are doing. It's just been hard finding my place and feeling accepted here. I'm the new kid.Maybe im just really awkward. I've been super introverted the past few days. Mostly though, this week has been filled with orientations, meetings and a bit of outreach here and there. I have a few projects i'm getting started on this week such as: flyers for an upcoming event, fundraising,updating our maps for prayer walks etc. We have prayer walks through the city and churches come in and we talk to them about human trafficking and then take them on the walk. I did it my fourth day and was shocked i could lead anything in a city so foreign to me!
The weekend was good. I got to hang out with my friend Tyler and some of his church friends at a Korean restaurant Friday, then Saturday the interns and Ruthie ( director of BJM) went to Sausalito, after hiking in Miur Woods ( i hate hiking....omg). Then Sunday i went to church ( took a bus...whoop whoop) and hung out the rest of the day with my new friend meredith. We went to FIsherman's Wharf and drove around...i saw a naked man. It was scarring. Whatever....thats San fran for ya. Sunday night we went to a charismatic church ( eh..) and then we had to take the subway to get to the base bc there were two women who needed help. It's a crazy life here! Monday was the 4th obviously, and the interns and i went to Berkeley for the day and hung out and i bought a souvenir for Courtney. Then we went to the beach and i didnt really get to spend any time on the beach bc i was in search of a bathroom. I found a thai restaurant and went in....the only way i could go to the bathroom was if i bought something. So i swallowed my pride and sat down and ordered rice...then i saw the bathroom was out of order, so i said peace out and walked a few blocks to a random place. Then we left and went to one of the intern's sister's home. It was really nice there. We grilled out and then watched fireworks and stayed the night. It was a good day.
Ive been toughing it out the best i can. But prayers would be nice. Its just been hard adjusting but for the most part i love it and i know God is sanctifying me. I know this is where i need to be and God is doing a work in me. Its just hard. I feel really alone at times. But i'll get over it eventually. I've realized that the ONLY way i will survive is if i rely on God. Otherwise ill be miserable ( not ALL the time...but you know). I need God more than anything....and im realizing that more and more.
Also pray for two of our women * Dana and * Mary who are battling drugs and homelessness.
Pray that i will be able to focus on what im doing here and not let anything get in the way of that. I can tell Satan is really trying to get to me. Especially in my personal life. So just pray for me and the ministry. Sorry if this post seems depressing. It is what it is though and i'm just being real with you.
When i first got to the base ( YWAM), i walked into the drop in center ( the Ellis Room), which is where our homeless ministry goes on primarily. It was chaotic, loud and i hadn't slept a wink on the plane, so i was a bit overwhelmed to say the least. I went to my room and found a bunk ( i have 4 roommates) then one of the interns took me out to brunch. After that i went back to my room to read over my manual and i called my sister and my mom. I tried to sound happy on the phone but my attempts failed. It was obvious to both of them i didn't want to be here. In fact i said " i hate it here. I want to go home....now.". I didn't feel very welcomed at first and i was meeting so many people that it was difficult to remember names and while the city is interesting, it is also kind of a hard place. Ex: I saw a woman searching the cracks in the sidewalk for crack this morning. However, the week got better...then it got stagnant, then bad again. Yeah, kind of a rollercoaster. The ministry itself is awesome and i love what we are doing. It's just been hard finding my place and feeling accepted here. I'm the new kid.Maybe im just really awkward. I've been super introverted the past few days. Mostly though, this week has been filled with orientations, meetings and a bit of outreach here and there. I have a few projects i'm getting started on this week such as: flyers for an upcoming event, fundraising,updating our maps for prayer walks etc. We have prayer walks through the city and churches come in and we talk to them about human trafficking and then take them on the walk. I did it my fourth day and was shocked i could lead anything in a city so foreign to me!
The weekend was good. I got to hang out with my friend Tyler and some of his church friends at a Korean restaurant Friday, then Saturday the interns and Ruthie ( director of BJM) went to Sausalito, after hiking in Miur Woods ( i hate hiking....omg). Then Sunday i went to church ( took a bus...whoop whoop) and hung out the rest of the day with my new friend meredith. We went to FIsherman's Wharf and drove around...i saw a naked man. It was scarring. Whatever....thats San fran for ya. Sunday night we went to a charismatic church ( eh..) and then we had to take the subway to get to the base bc there were two women who needed help. It's a crazy life here! Monday was the 4th obviously, and the interns and i went to Berkeley for the day and hung out and i bought a souvenir for Courtney. Then we went to the beach and i didnt really get to spend any time on the beach bc i was in search of a bathroom. I found a thai restaurant and went in....the only way i could go to the bathroom was if i bought something. So i swallowed my pride and sat down and ordered rice...then i saw the bathroom was out of order, so i said peace out and walked a few blocks to a random place. Then we left and went to one of the intern's sister's home. It was really nice there. We grilled out and then watched fireworks and stayed the night. It was a good day.
Ive been toughing it out the best i can. But prayers would be nice. Its just been hard adjusting but for the most part i love it and i know God is sanctifying me. I know this is where i need to be and God is doing a work in me. Its just hard. I feel really alone at times. But i'll get over it eventually. I've realized that the ONLY way i will survive is if i rely on God. Otherwise ill be miserable ( not ALL the time...but you know). I need God more than anything....and im realizing that more and more.
Also pray for two of our women * Dana and * Mary who are battling drugs and homelessness.
Pray that i will be able to focus on what im doing here and not let anything get in the way of that. I can tell Satan is really trying to get to me. Especially in my personal life. So just pray for me and the ministry. Sorry if this post seems depressing. It is what it is though and i'm just being real with you.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
One week..
I leave in one week from the hottest and most humid-est place on earth. Mmmm.
I have some reservations about leaving, though. I mean, i'm a little worried about going off on my own. I'm also worried about really dumb, miniscule things too. Such as...
1. I'm scared of flying alone....and yes, we have previously gone over this in my last blog, but i'm even scared about being "alone". I like being alone sometimes, don't get me wrong....but the idea of wandering around an airport in the wee hours of the morning slightly frightens me.
2. I'm nervous about sitting next to someone i don't know on the plane. Yep, we're still on the flying fear right now. I mean, i am probably, most definitely the most awkward person i know. Example: If i am walking somewhere and someone is in my way, i will completely go out of my way and make a detours around them, just so i don't have to utter the words "excuse me"....because for some reason when i say it out loud, it sounds, well, rude. Maybe i'm being paranoid, but i refrain from using those words at all costs for fear of being thought bossy. My friend Davis pointed out to me the other day when we were out and about that i do this. I explained to him my very good reason ( atleast i thought it was) and he said "Lindsay, you just say 'excuse me' and they move...thats it". He made it seem SO simple. Maybe it is. That's one thing i envy about him. He is so chill about pretty much everything and when i hang out with him, i become chill too. I need more chill people in my life!
3. BJM is arranging for some kind soul to pick me up from the airport once i get in. I am thankful for this because i'm not sure i could find where i need to go without the help of a San Franciscian. However, that being said....i'm wondering if this person will have a big sign with my name on it ( and if it will be inevitably spelled wrong) and how slightly awkward it will be to walk toward this person and introduce myself. yeah, once again...i am awkward and even introducing myself is a huge feat for me. Something i will get over while i'm there...im sure.
and last but not least 4. I will be staying in the shadiest part of town, called "The Tenderloin"....google it and prepare to be terrified for me. Maybe i'm being dramatic, but a girl who works at BJM got her phone stolen the other day, so maybe not. I'm going to be working with these people and so it makes sense to stay in the area i will be working at, right? And while that makes sense, it also scares the crap out of me. If you know me, you know i am the most paranoid person, possibly ever. I overanalyze everything and i think about death almost everyday. I'm not really scared of death but i often imagine myself dying in weird ways throughout the day. Morbid, right? So being in a high crime area isn't the best mix.
I think i'll be fine. yeah i kind of go back and forth between being a really dramatic, paranoid and awkward person to a really chill, relaxed and sort of "i got this" character. My personality is frustrating sometimes, Maybe its just the Holy Spirit calming me lol. I think God definitely is going to get me out of my comfort zone and get me to realize that yeah, where i'm staying may not be pleasant but thats not why im there. It's not a vacation. It's a chance to rescue these women out of a very difficult life and share the gospel at the same time. When i remind myself THAT is what life is about....not having a comfy place to be....then i am able to be some where uncomfortable with complete comfort in that God is good. And the same God that protects me in Hattiesburg is the same God that will protect me in San Francisco.
Peace.
PS. i got an email from the person who will be picking me up and she spelled my name wrong. haha who saw that one coming?
I have some reservations about leaving, though. I mean, i'm a little worried about going off on my own. I'm also worried about really dumb, miniscule things too. Such as...
1. I'm scared of flying alone....and yes, we have previously gone over this in my last blog, but i'm even scared about being "alone". I like being alone sometimes, don't get me wrong....but the idea of wandering around an airport in the wee hours of the morning slightly frightens me.
2. I'm nervous about sitting next to someone i don't know on the plane. Yep, we're still on the flying fear right now. I mean, i am probably, most definitely the most awkward person i know. Example: If i am walking somewhere and someone is in my way, i will completely go out of my way and make a detours around them, just so i don't have to utter the words "excuse me"....because for some reason when i say it out loud, it sounds, well, rude. Maybe i'm being paranoid, but i refrain from using those words at all costs for fear of being thought bossy. My friend Davis pointed out to me the other day when we were out and about that i do this. I explained to him my very good reason ( atleast i thought it was) and he said "Lindsay, you just say 'excuse me' and they move...thats it". He made it seem SO simple. Maybe it is. That's one thing i envy about him. He is so chill about pretty much everything and when i hang out with him, i become chill too. I need more chill people in my life!
3. BJM is arranging for some kind soul to pick me up from the airport once i get in. I am thankful for this because i'm not sure i could find where i need to go without the help of a San Franciscian. However, that being said....i'm wondering if this person will have a big sign with my name on it ( and if it will be inevitably spelled wrong) and how slightly awkward it will be to walk toward this person and introduce myself. yeah, once again...i am awkward and even introducing myself is a huge feat for me. Something i will get over while i'm there...im sure.
and last but not least 4. I will be staying in the shadiest part of town, called "The Tenderloin"....google it and prepare to be terrified for me. Maybe i'm being dramatic, but a girl who works at BJM got her phone stolen the other day, so maybe not. I'm going to be working with these people and so it makes sense to stay in the area i will be working at, right? And while that makes sense, it also scares the crap out of me. If you know me, you know i am the most paranoid person, possibly ever. I overanalyze everything and i think about death almost everyday. I'm not really scared of death but i often imagine myself dying in weird ways throughout the day. Morbid, right? So being in a high crime area isn't the best mix.
I think i'll be fine. yeah i kind of go back and forth between being a really dramatic, paranoid and awkward person to a really chill, relaxed and sort of "i got this" character. My personality is frustrating sometimes, Maybe its just the Holy Spirit calming me lol. I think God definitely is going to get me out of my comfort zone and get me to realize that yeah, where i'm staying may not be pleasant but thats not why im there. It's not a vacation. It's a chance to rescue these women out of a very difficult life and share the gospel at the same time. When i remind myself THAT is what life is about....not having a comfy place to be....then i am able to be some where uncomfortable with complete comfort in that God is good. And the same God that protects me in Hattiesburg is the same God that will protect me in San Francisco.
Peace.
PS. i got an email from the person who will be picking me up and she spelled my name wrong. haha who saw that one coming?
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
San Francisco baby!
About a week ago i found out i will be interning in San Fran for 7 weeks this summer with Because Justice Matters. BJM is an organization that works to end human trafficking.I'm so pumped, you have no idea. Here is a list of reasons why:
1. I never go anywhere by myself
- I really need to become more independent and get out of my comfort zone. I mean, am i scared to fly alone? yes! But i think it will help me grow as a person. It's like pushing a baby bird out of the nest to fly....scary, but it has to happen sooner or later.
2. I'll be in San Francisco! I hear its a pretty cool city and plus i love California period. I can't wait to get away from the muggy weather that is Mississippi! It's pure death. Anyways, i'll definitely have fun exploring my surroundings :)
3. Probably the biggest reason is that i'm truly passionate about helping people and sharing the love of Christ while doing so. This is such a great opportunity to grow spiritually,emotionally, mentally and professionally. I'll be a counselor one day and i intend to work with women coming out of human trafficking and all sorts of other difficult situations. I need experience and i'm ready to take the plunge no matter what worries i may have about flying alone or essentially being alone in a foreign city!
Things i'm worried about:
1. How to pack
-I seriously do not know how to pack right. I am assuming i'll need two suitcases and a carry on. I want to take my lap top and camera and i also have to pack bedding. BUT, how do i fit everything? How?! I'm already practicing how i'm going to do it. Also, how many shirts, pants and shorts do i need? Maybe i'm over analyzing. Just maybe.
2. Flying alone
-I am retarded. I accept it. But for real....i will probably be lucky if i can find the door at the airport. Am i gonna have to have one of those people fly with me....you know the ones that fly with kids? oh dear..
3. Not having enough money
(Throw some glitter...make it rain)
- As i said, i'll be there 7 weeks. I have the bulk of the trip paid for, but i don't know how much spending money i need. I will have a place to stay with food and everything. But i really want to buy gifts for the fam and the occasional dinosaur toy. So i ask all of you.....how much do i need to bring?
PS. Donations are welcome!
Well, there ya go. I finally blogged :) Please pray for me as i enter into a new journey. I'll be blogging while i'm there, so make sure to check out my blog every week atleast for an update!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Theology 101
Get ready for my new blog series on Biblical Theology ;)
It's important to know what you believe and why. When believers say "its just got to be faith", i slightly cringe. Yes, you have to have faith, but that kind of applies to anything. I have faith that gravity exists. I'm pretty sure most people agree with me. However, when it comes to believing in something/someone you cannot see or tangibly touch....people get skeptical, and rightly so. They haven't yet experienced the Holy Spirit for one thing and Satan would love for them to stay ignorant.
I'm not the smartest person in the world, but i don't think any christian should let their insecurities or laziness stand in the way of really digging deep into Biblical doctrine. Asking questions is important and it's okay to doubt. Sometimes that doubt is what fuels us to figure out what we truly believe. If you just stay comfortable in your cushy faith and never ask the hard questions you won't, in my opinion, reach as many people. Although, we will get into God's sovereignty. He IS in control and even in our shallowest of times, he can still use us. But you shouldn't let God's sovereignty lead you down the road of hyper calvinism ( God is in control, so i can do whatever i want because it doesn't matter...He will still glorify himself) Not a productive place if you ask me. Although i would encourage you to read " Spectacular Sins" by John Piper, where he elaborates on that.
We'll talk more on it though. I'm reading Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology and that is where i will be getting my sources and of course The Word. Feel free to submit any questions you might have :)
It's important to know what you believe and why. When believers say "its just got to be faith", i slightly cringe. Yes, you have to have faith, but that kind of applies to anything. I have faith that gravity exists. I'm pretty sure most people agree with me. However, when it comes to believing in something/someone you cannot see or tangibly touch....people get skeptical, and rightly so. They haven't yet experienced the Holy Spirit for one thing and Satan would love for them to stay ignorant.
I'm not the smartest person in the world, but i don't think any christian should let their insecurities or laziness stand in the way of really digging deep into Biblical doctrine. Asking questions is important and it's okay to doubt. Sometimes that doubt is what fuels us to figure out what we truly believe. If you just stay comfortable in your cushy faith and never ask the hard questions you won't, in my opinion, reach as many people. Although, we will get into God's sovereignty. He IS in control and even in our shallowest of times, he can still use us. But you shouldn't let God's sovereignty lead you down the road of hyper calvinism ( God is in control, so i can do whatever i want because it doesn't matter...He will still glorify himself) Not a productive place if you ask me. Although i would encourage you to read " Spectacular Sins" by John Piper, where he elaborates on that.
We'll talk more on it though. I'm reading Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology and that is where i will be getting my sources and of course The Word. Feel free to submit any questions you might have :)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
So sick so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being SICK!
I usually never get sick. But 2 weeks ago i had the flu and today i have been battling a virus. Which is worse in my opinion? The Virus.
When i had the flu, i was exhausted, had body aches and got the chills and two nights in a row i woke up soaking wet with sweat. ( TMI i know). However even though the flu lasted 5 days and the symptoms were consistent. This virus has made me throw up twice and my body hurts so much.
Needless to say, pillows have become my friend but they arent very supportive ( da da dum...haha im so witty). It doesn't matter what i do, my joints ache so bad and lets not even talk about the throwing up. I've only done it twice but that is enough for me.
I finally caved and took 3 ibuprofen. It cured my pains (mostly). Here's the deal, i'm kind of against taking medicine unless i ABSOLUTELY need it. When i had the flu 2 weeks ago, i didn't go to the doctor and i didn't go today either. I think that deep down it's the tomboy in me who is too tough for modern medicine.haha lame i know....but I'm glad i took the meds bc i feel wayyy better. Before i felt so awful i was crying...NOT acceptable!
Hopefully i feel better by Saturday bc i have already promised to help out at Lighthouse Ministries and i want to!
Pray that i get better :)
~Love Linds
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The Impossible Nap
Today, like many days was the perfect day for a nap. My stomach was full ( that sounds gross sorry ), my eyelids were heavy from staying up the night before and it Sunday is the day of REST....am i right?
WELL apparently some people do not care about this day of napping, namely my family.
You see, i am a LIGHT sleeper and i even suffer from insomnia at times. It takes specific conditions for me to accomplish something as seemingly simple as a nap. Today was no different. I was interrupted multiple times....i think i even walked into the living room in a zombie like fashion and stared at my dad and held my finger to my mouth as if to say "Shhh" but never did the actual sound come from my lips. Here are the necessities of a legit nap. The impossible nap.
Things i need:
1. NO LIGHT
I wear an eye mask which pretty much does it, but i can't sleep without it or else i will melt. Light is my kryptonite. I kind of hate the sun to be honest.
2. No outside sounds
This includes people talking, the radio, t.v, dogs barking, lawn mowers. vacuum cleaners( the sound of a vacuum cleaner literally brings tears to my eyes...im scarred) and any other sound that is loud enough for the Lindsay ear to hear. I'm very sensitive to noise...even when im awake. I think this has to do with all the ear infections i got as a kid. I had major issues and basically have the hearing of a dog. I can always hear my parents telling secrets. Mostly because i can hear my mom's whispers and like Gretel, i too follow the breadcrumbs which lead me to the obvious.
3. No pants
Pants get in the way of freedom, in my opinion. The friction between the cotton-y pants and my comforter/blankets is unpleasant. Plus i get hot all the time and pants just make me more likely to wake up from the uncomfortable amount of warmth....which leads me to...
4. MUST have a fan on
Fans create a natural-like wind which hits my face like a bucket of chilled marshmallows. Well...maybe not that but let's just say it feels nice.
5.I need a sound machine
Preferably ocean waves crashing. I got one for Christmas and i love it because it drowns out about 43% of the outside noise i hear outside my room.
About that..
My dad has a low, loud voice. My mom has a high pitched, loud voice. They can't help it. You can hear them in Egypt.
Then there's our t.v which is always on the highest volume when my dad watches it because he is basically deaf in one ear
( unlike his diva nap daughter). I tell them i'm taking a nap but that means nothing...
What it does mean:
1. It's okay to talk as loud as you want
2. It's okay to come in my room and ask me "Are these your socks"
3.It's okay to put my cat in my room and leave the door cracked so i can hear both my cats annoying meows and the death sounds from the living room
4.It's okay to yell "Lindsay!!" until i wake up ( which takes 00.5 seconds) and ask me another question.
I have learned two things from my nap ( or lack-there-of) experiences
1. I am a complete diva when it comes to naps but essentially i just ask that people are considerate, because i always try to be quiet when others are napping.
2. God is sanctifying me. Living with people---especially your family can be tough at times because you expect so much from them. I expect them to go " Lindsay is taking a nap....i am going to turn down the volume on the t.v, not vacuum and not bust up in her room".....but the truth is, the world does not revolve around me. yep, there are two sides to the coin, people.
Weirdly, i am not a diva at night when i go to sleep...but maybe that's because my parents go to bed before me...hmmm
I envy her napping ability.
Friday, January 21, 2011
We ain't in no coffee shop, son! Why you confrontin'?
I hacked my friend Josh's Facebook as a joke( he really didn't care....we have the same sense of humor)....anyways i wrote on a bunch of his friend's walls....random comments. Stuff that Josh would probably say but also bizarre enough they would question it.
Well...big mistake. I got called out by a guy im not even that close with. Made me cry...long story short.
He decided he should "confront" me about my facebook hacking extravaganza and at first i was holding back the urge to laugh because he was super intense and dramatic about it all. He obviously doesn't know me or else he would realize i joke alot and prank alot....although the facebook hacking thing is only done to those i know won't get upset.
He was really serious in saying "how inconsiderate and selfish" i was. He went on and on....and while i took all these hits with a smile...i could feel myself wondering..."AM i really all these things? Do people really think i'm so horrible bc i hacked Josh's facebook?"... i suddenly began to panic. I have this awful need to be liked....i'm like Michael Scott. Yes, i just said that. But for real...i get super upset when anyone says anything negative to me or about me. This is possibly something to discuss in my upcoming therapy that is mandatory i attend for my counseling class. SO i bet you're wondering " Okay....why are you venting to me?".... I'm GLAD you asked ;)
You see, i am ALL about confronting someone who is in sin that you are close with and have a place with in one's life. However, i think it is highly important to do it at the right time, the right place, with the right tone and most importantly....with the right heart. Be gentle, kind and for the love of all that is good and pure....don't straight up tell someone they are a selfish person who only cares about themselves. Because even if all that is true, it doesn't matter how many " i just care about you" or " Im just trying to be Christ-like and call you out" comments you throw in there. You're going to completely make whoever you're speaking to feel like crap and miss the point.
The point is, even if you have good intentions....it doesn't mean its appropriate to call someone out. I think everyone should know that. It's not always YOUR place to do so. But if it comes time to confront another believer....just think before you speak and put yourself in their shoes. Don't just drop a bomb on them. That's never pleasant.
I learned a valuable lesson tonight. Always wear waterproof mascara and be gracious to those who are ungracious to me,.
Atleast he didn't ask me to get coffee...you know how i feel about coffee-tations. The worst.
Well...big mistake. I got called out by a guy im not even that close with. Made me cry...long story short.
He decided he should "confront" me about my facebook hacking extravaganza and at first i was holding back the urge to laugh because he was super intense and dramatic about it all. He obviously doesn't know me or else he would realize i joke alot and prank alot....although the facebook hacking thing is only done to those i know won't get upset.
He was really serious in saying "how inconsiderate and selfish" i was. He went on and on....and while i took all these hits with a smile...i could feel myself wondering..."AM i really all these things? Do people really think i'm so horrible bc i hacked Josh's facebook?"... i suddenly began to panic. I have this awful need to be liked....i'm like Michael Scott. Yes, i just said that. But for real...i get super upset when anyone says anything negative to me or about me. This is possibly something to discuss in my upcoming therapy that is mandatory i attend for my counseling class. SO i bet you're wondering " Okay....why are you venting to me?".... I'm GLAD you asked ;)
You see, i am ALL about confronting someone who is in sin that you are close with and have a place with in one's life. However, i think it is highly important to do it at the right time, the right place, with the right tone and most importantly....with the right heart. Be gentle, kind and for the love of all that is good and pure....don't straight up tell someone they are a selfish person who only cares about themselves. Because even if all that is true, it doesn't matter how many " i just care about you" or " Im just trying to be Christ-like and call you out" comments you throw in there. You're going to completely make whoever you're speaking to feel like crap and miss the point.
The point is, even if you have good intentions....it doesn't mean its appropriate to call someone out. I think everyone should know that. It's not always YOUR place to do so. But if it comes time to confront another believer....just think before you speak and put yourself in their shoes. Don't just drop a bomb on them. That's never pleasant.
I learned a valuable lesson tonight. Always wear waterproof mascara and be gracious to those who are ungracious to me,.
Atleast he didn't ask me to get coffee...you know how i feel about coffee-tations. The worst.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Don't waste your life
Over the years i have gone back and forth on what i want to be when i get older and graduate. Well, now that i'm 22 i think its high time i decide, right?
Well...for a while now i have pretty much known that i was called to help people and glorify God through doing whatever i end up doing, however that all plays out. My major is Child & Family Studies and i plan on continuing my education through Seminary and my main focus being Biblical Counseling. I have always had a gift when it comes to listening to and helping people through their problems. When i worked as a hostess at Chesterfield's, i can't tell you how many times people came up to the hostess stand and poured out their hearts to me and i just listened and sort of psychoanalyzed the situation at hand. I don't know why, but it comes really easy to me to "figure" people out and i would say i'm good a discerning.
I would joke that i was giving my fellow employees a free service that one day would cost them, so they should take full advantage of it. Of course, if i could get by i would do it for free. It's a really strange thing because i am a complete introvert at heart. I'm awkward, shy and oftentimes i want to talk to certain people, but i just don't. However, when it comes to talking to someone, one on one and they are telling me their deepest darkest secrets, thoughts and dreams, i couldn't be more relational. I love to listen and i literally FEEL people's pain when they're opening up to me about a particular burden/issue. I can only think that God has given me these gifts/desires because he desires for me to help people. I would love love love to be involved with International Justice Mission or another organization, counseling girls coming out of sex trafficking. i could do that here or overseas....but regardless, i have been passionate about this for a while.
The first time i read about sex trafficking, i literally stayed in bed the rest of the day and cried. I just felt this immense pain for the girls who live that everyday. I can't imagine how it feels to be in their shoes, but like i said before, i tend to be a very empathetic person and the very thought of being in their shoes is overwhelming. I think this is a good thing, but i also foresee myself getting very emotional in the process of being a counselor and taking on these girl's burdens. But someone has to and i'm willing to hurt with them because i know what can fix their pain. God has called me to love people and sometimes that means being uncomfortable at times. But i think that it would be something i would love to do for sure.
This past summer, i felt God calling me to possibly do missions in the future. Basically what i felt him saying was that no matter where he calls me, i should be obedient. In the past, the idea of living overseas with barely anything and living radically for Christ's name.....would seem unappealing. But this summer after reading the book "Radical" and diving into the Word i realized, yeah its a sacrifice but it's so worth it. i realized i don't want to waste my life living the "American Dream"....buying useless stuff and always itching for more more more. When in reality, no single "thing" or even a person, can satisfy what i really need and thats Christ. And all he asks of me is that i don't waste my life living it for myself and the world....but instead sacrificing myself for His name and making it KNOWN to the world.
I can't stop listening to "How he loves" and thinking about how there are countless people who have never heard His name and desperately NEED to. They could be a little girl in Cambodia who is trapped in a terrible life or the guy you work with at a restaurant. They need to hear it though. Either way.
....So my encouragement to you all is that you don't waste your life. This life doesn't last long. Think eternal instead of temporal. Living for Christ's glory in and of itself will make you happy and is where true joy is.
Well...for a while now i have pretty much known that i was called to help people and glorify God through doing whatever i end up doing, however that all plays out. My major is Child & Family Studies and i plan on continuing my education through Seminary and my main focus being Biblical Counseling. I have always had a gift when it comes to listening to and helping people through their problems. When i worked as a hostess at Chesterfield's, i can't tell you how many times people came up to the hostess stand and poured out their hearts to me and i just listened and sort of psychoanalyzed the situation at hand. I don't know why, but it comes really easy to me to "figure" people out and i would say i'm good a discerning.
I would joke that i was giving my fellow employees a free service that one day would cost them, so they should take full advantage of it. Of course, if i could get by i would do it for free. It's a really strange thing because i am a complete introvert at heart. I'm awkward, shy and oftentimes i want to talk to certain people, but i just don't. However, when it comes to talking to someone, one on one and they are telling me their deepest darkest secrets, thoughts and dreams, i couldn't be more relational. I love to listen and i literally FEEL people's pain when they're opening up to me about a particular burden/issue. I can only think that God has given me these gifts/desires because he desires for me to help people. I would love love love to be involved with International Justice Mission or another organization, counseling girls coming out of sex trafficking. i could do that here or overseas....but regardless, i have been passionate about this for a while.
The first time i read about sex trafficking, i literally stayed in bed the rest of the day and cried. I just felt this immense pain for the girls who live that everyday. I can't imagine how it feels to be in their shoes, but like i said before, i tend to be a very empathetic person and the very thought of being in their shoes is overwhelming. I think this is a good thing, but i also foresee myself getting very emotional in the process of being a counselor and taking on these girl's burdens. But someone has to and i'm willing to hurt with them because i know what can fix their pain. God has called me to love people and sometimes that means being uncomfortable at times. But i think that it would be something i would love to do for sure.
This past summer, i felt God calling me to possibly do missions in the future. Basically what i felt him saying was that no matter where he calls me, i should be obedient. In the past, the idea of living overseas with barely anything and living radically for Christ's name.....would seem unappealing. But this summer after reading the book "Radical" and diving into the Word i realized, yeah its a sacrifice but it's so worth it. i realized i don't want to waste my life living the "American Dream"....buying useless stuff and always itching for more more more. When in reality, no single "thing" or even a person, can satisfy what i really need and thats Christ. And all he asks of me is that i don't waste my life living it for myself and the world....but instead sacrificing myself for His name and making it KNOWN to the world.
I can't stop listening to "How he loves" and thinking about how there are countless people who have never heard His name and desperately NEED to. They could be a little girl in Cambodia who is trapped in a terrible life or the guy you work with at a restaurant. They need to hear it though. Either way.
....So my encouragement to you all is that you don't waste your life. This life doesn't last long. Think eternal instead of temporal. Living for Christ's glory in and of itself will make you happy and is where true joy is.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Lies i tell..
1. I am a boy. Yes i tell people this. I have been trying lately, however, to tell people my name is Lindsay instead. Seems to be a crowd pleaser. I don't know where this one came from, since i am indeed a girl. But i like to see the look on people's faces when i say it i guess.
2. I have multiple personalities. This is a new one. I decided that i should name my "moods". When i am around different people and when i'm wearing certain clothes and/or makeup....my mood changes a bit. I don't ACTUALLY have different personalities but i joke about it with my friends and luckily they find it humorous and not weird. My personalities names are Lo, Lola, Lolita and Fiona. I personally find this to be an annoying quirk of mine. Who NAMES their personalities?? weirdo(s). But it really comes in handy when im in trouble. I just blame one of my personalities.
3. I am from the future. Whenever my friends are having a bad day i just pull this one right out of the hat. Ex: " Everything is gonna be okay....im from the future and i know it". No one ever questions it.
4. I like to watch you sleep. I tell this one to guys only. It started one day with a guy i worked with who kept annoying me so i thought i would freak him out by telling him i watched him sleep the night before. He laughed and walked away....but for some reason THAT didn't scare him off entirely so i had to add something new each time like " you looked so cute....i even counted your heartbeats".....still...he just thought it was hilarious. People are weird.
These are the main four lies i tell people for shock value. And now seeing it in writing, i feel like i've said too much on the post.haha...oh well hopefully you know that i am a kidder. 90% of what i say is a joke 67% of the time.
I think i say bizarre things to test people. If someone still wants to get to know me after i tell them i'm a boy who has multiple personalities,is from the future and stalks people while they sleep....then they're a keeper. So consider this a test. If you still think you want to know what im about then i say we should be friends ;)
2. I have multiple personalities. This is a new one. I decided that i should name my "moods". When i am around different people and when i'm wearing certain clothes and/or makeup....my mood changes a bit. I don't ACTUALLY have different personalities but i joke about it with my friends and luckily they find it humorous and not weird. My personalities names are Lo, Lola, Lolita and Fiona. I personally find this to be an annoying quirk of mine. Who NAMES their personalities?? weirdo(s). But it really comes in handy when im in trouble. I just blame one of my personalities.
3. I am from the future. Whenever my friends are having a bad day i just pull this one right out of the hat. Ex: " Everything is gonna be okay....im from the future and i know it". No one ever questions it.
4. I like to watch you sleep. I tell this one to guys only. It started one day with a guy i worked with who kept annoying me so i thought i would freak him out by telling him i watched him sleep the night before. He laughed and walked away....but for some reason THAT didn't scare him off entirely so i had to add something new each time like " you looked so cute....i even counted your heartbeats".....still...he just thought it was hilarious. People are weird.
These are the main four lies i tell people for shock value. And now seeing it in writing, i feel like i've said too much on the post.haha...oh well hopefully you know that i am a kidder. 90% of what i say is a joke 67% of the time.
I think i say bizarre things to test people. If someone still wants to get to know me after i tell them i'm a boy who has multiple personalities,is from the future and stalks people while they sleep....then they're a keeper. So consider this a test. If you still think you want to know what im about then i say we should be friends ;)
Coffee shop dates....why they make me want to die
I do not like getting coffee with people. If it is a group thing, i'm down....but if someone i don't know very well asks me to get coffee, i am instantly sent into a state of panic. Here's why: There are only two reasons people have ever asked me to get coffee in the past.
1. Coffee-tation ( confrontation)
Well not so much a confrontation as an apology. I know its coming the whole hour the guy or girl is talking about their college experiences and that time we played on a playground 2 years ago when we actually talked( you know..trying to remind me of the "good times" so i'll be more accepting of the supposed apology)
and yet all i wanna do is say " Listen, i'm over it....can i go now?" because there is nothing i hate more than being outside of Starbucks where the wind is blowing heavily and my hair is caught in my lipgloss and the guy keeps yapping and i WOULD sip my coffee, but as i look down i see that grabbed the wrong one....sorry Mark. It's just a panic attack waiting to happen for me. I won't sleep the night before the alleged coffee date and the whole way there i'll be hyperventilating because i'm a drama queen and everything is a much bigger deal to me than it actually is. Mostly what i hate about the "coffee-tation" is that its a year late and i've forgotten about any issue we ever had.
P.S....it shouldn't take an hour and a half to apologize
2. Coffee-likes me, likes me not...
Oh and this has only happened a couple of times but let me say....i am not a fan of getting coffee to "get to know each other". I don't do well in structured environments. Yes, to me Starbucks is a structured environment. I don't know what it is...but even if i'm going there to hang out with a guy that i don't like...i feel awkward the whole time. Its like you both know why you're there...and for me i never feel relaxed. i feel like its an interview and i guess it kind of is.Still, it is awkward...and i don't like it!
However, when the right guy does come along, if he asks me to get coffee, i think i'll suck it up and go anyway. As long as Mark isn't there again playing games and switching up my coffee, i should be good.
1. Coffee-tation ( confrontation)
Well not so much a confrontation as an apology. I know its coming the whole hour the guy or girl is talking about their college experiences and that time we played on a playground 2 years ago when we actually talked( you know..trying to remind me of the "good times" so i'll be more accepting of the supposed apology)
and yet all i wanna do is say " Listen, i'm over it....can i go now?" because there is nothing i hate more than being outside of Starbucks where the wind is blowing heavily and my hair is caught in my lipgloss and the guy keeps yapping and i WOULD sip my coffee, but as i look down i see that grabbed the wrong one....sorry Mark. It's just a panic attack waiting to happen for me. I won't sleep the night before the alleged coffee date and the whole way there i'll be hyperventilating because i'm a drama queen and everything is a much bigger deal to me than it actually is. Mostly what i hate about the "coffee-tation" is that its a year late and i've forgotten about any issue we ever had.
P.S....it shouldn't take an hour and a half to apologize
2. Coffee-likes me, likes me not...
Oh and this has only happened a couple of times but let me say....i am not a fan of getting coffee to "get to know each other". I don't do well in structured environments. Yes, to me Starbucks is a structured environment. I don't know what it is...but even if i'm going there to hang out with a guy that i don't like...i feel awkward the whole time. Its like you both know why you're there...and for me i never feel relaxed. i feel like its an interview and i guess it kind of is.Still, it is awkward...and i don't like it!
However, when the right guy does come along, if he asks me to get coffee, i think i'll suck it up and go anyway. As long as Mark isn't there again playing games and switching up my coffee, i should be good.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
An ant in the shower
My shower, for some reason, is infested with ants. Every time i go to take a shower, there they are....gathered around the drain as if they have a death wish. Then they scatter once i turn on the water. You would think they would learn by watching all the other ants, whose lives i've taken. But no....they continue to gather around the death trap also known as my shower drain. And i have NO problem killing them....maybe i'm bitter but..
When i was 2, i fell in an ant bed. My parents didn't know at the time, but i was highly allergic to ants. They rushed me to the hospital when i became swollen with hives all over( i even turned blue). the doctor said if they had been 2 minutes later i would have died. Because of this lovely ant-cident i had to get a shot every Wednesday for three years. I cried every single time but once and i remember the doctor told me if i didn't cry i would get a toy ( how ridiculous is that??? dude i would cry now!) and i didn't so he gave me a toy which ironically resembled an ant. However i lost it in the car and Lauren( my sister) didn't believe i didn't cry when i got my shot even though i SWORE i didn't. ( still bitter...)
Moving on.... i hate ants. I know they're hardworking and what not and like thats supposed to inspire me to be a hard worker but they BIT me! How RUE. So yeah i might add that i even took a little bit of joy whilst i kilt the shower ants with my potato projeck( reference joke) anyways im getting distracted...but the point is i have never felt compelled to save an ant's life until tonight.
I was doing the usual.... filling the shaving cream bottle cap with water and SWOOSH there goes all the ants down an evil version of splash mountain, when i saw an ant struggling on the built in shelf of my shower. I noticed it because it looked particularly odd. It was upright, almost as if it was on it's knees ( do ants HAVE knees??), Suddenly a sense of compassion swept over me and i poured out the cap water and scooped up the ant and set it free on the edge of the shower. There was nothing special about the ant...and as you all know... i have a bitterness toward all of ant-kind and i don't care HOW hard that ant worked....it could never earn my love by building a stupid ant hill or carrying a huge crumb of a cracker. You know why? because it is inherently evil. Ants bite....they don't really care who you are...they just bite. Plus.....it has had fair warning. What is this ant doing in the shower anyway??? Idiot. Even so... i saved it. I chose that ant to save and it wasn't because it didn't anything to deserve it. But it was weird....in that moment i felt a God-like love for that ant.
Did i just blow your mind? I know....so deep.
After getting out of the shower i noticed the ant hadn't left. it was still alive ( but barely). I wondered why it stayed there. Why didn't it run for sunny Mexico?? But i was then faced with the reality that the ant is me. I go back to my sin. I know its destruction and yet i struggle to keep away. How can i judge this ant?? Its only doing what it knows.
So yeah....i had a special moment with an ant in the shower. Am i going to kill the ants next time i take a shower? probably.
But all i can say is....i'm glad i have such an amazing savior. i deserve to be down the drain.
When i was 2, i fell in an ant bed. My parents didn't know at the time, but i was highly allergic to ants. They rushed me to the hospital when i became swollen with hives all over( i even turned blue). the doctor said if they had been 2 minutes later i would have died. Because of this lovely ant-cident i had to get a shot every Wednesday for three years. I cried every single time but once and i remember the doctor told me if i didn't cry i would get a toy ( how ridiculous is that??? dude i would cry now!) and i didn't so he gave me a toy which ironically resembled an ant. However i lost it in the car and Lauren( my sister) didn't believe i didn't cry when i got my shot even though i SWORE i didn't. ( still bitter...)
Moving on.... i hate ants. I know they're hardworking and what not and like thats supposed to inspire me to be a hard worker but they BIT me! How RUE. So yeah i might add that i even took a little bit of joy whilst i kilt the shower ants with my potato projeck( reference joke) anyways im getting distracted...but the point is i have never felt compelled to save an ant's life until tonight.
I was doing the usual.... filling the shaving cream bottle cap with water and SWOOSH there goes all the ants down an evil version of splash mountain, when i saw an ant struggling on the built in shelf of my shower. I noticed it because it looked particularly odd. It was upright, almost as if it was on it's knees ( do ants HAVE knees??), Suddenly a sense of compassion swept over me and i poured out the cap water and scooped up the ant and set it free on the edge of the shower. There was nothing special about the ant...and as you all know... i have a bitterness toward all of ant-kind and i don't care HOW hard that ant worked....it could never earn my love by building a stupid ant hill or carrying a huge crumb of a cracker. You know why? because it is inherently evil. Ants bite....they don't really care who you are...they just bite. Plus.....it has had fair warning. What is this ant doing in the shower anyway??? Idiot. Even so... i saved it. I chose that ant to save and it wasn't because it didn't anything to deserve it. But it was weird....in that moment i felt a God-like love for that ant.
Did i just blow your mind? I know....so deep.
After getting out of the shower i noticed the ant hadn't left. it was still alive ( but barely). I wondered why it stayed there. Why didn't it run for sunny Mexico?? But i was then faced with the reality that the ant is me. I go back to my sin. I know its destruction and yet i struggle to keep away. How can i judge this ant?? Its only doing what it knows.
So yeah....i had a special moment with an ant in the shower. Am i going to kill the ants next time i take a shower? probably.
But all i can say is....i'm glad i have such an amazing savior. i deserve to be down the drain.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Things i have learned while babysitting Mariah and Joshua
1. Joshua enjoys taking his right shoe off--EVERYTIME.
2. Fruit loops solve everything
3. Mariah says "Where's Nemo?" repeatedly while watching "Finding Nemo"
4. No matter how many times my cat bites Mariah's face, she will always try to pet her and say " She's scare-nin"
5. Joshua says "no" to everything. which makes for a fun game of " Do you think Courtney is pretty?"
6. Joshua is a bottomless pit unless you are trying to feed him actual food. He loves the junk food. It fuels his massive brain i think.
7. Mariah enjoys taking her pants off and frolicking around ( like aunt like daughter)
8. Threatening to spank either of them with "the spoon" instantly brings tears to their eyes. I love it. I feel so powerful. Muahahaha!
9. Inevitably Joshua will break something at our house.
10. Mariah loves my room. She always gets on my bed and gets my Woody doll from Toy Story and holds him with a ninja-like grip until she has to leave.
11. I have to watch out for Joshua bc his head is so huge he sometimes falls over randomly on it.
12. DON'T breathe while changing Joshua's diaper. Just...don't...
13. Running on a treadmill for an hour is not an option when watching these children--or any for that matter so they say. If you make the mistake of trying to do so, Mariah will end up with barbeque sauce all over herself and Joshua will have taken every object possible out of every cabinet he can reach. A.K.A.... i am an idiot for thinking i could get away with that.
I love my niece and nephew :)
2. Fruit loops solve everything
3. Mariah says "Where's Nemo?" repeatedly while watching "Finding Nemo"
4. No matter how many times my cat bites Mariah's face, she will always try to pet her and say " She's scare-nin"
5. Joshua says "no" to everything. which makes for a fun game of " Do you think Courtney is pretty?"
6. Joshua is a bottomless pit unless you are trying to feed him actual food. He loves the junk food. It fuels his massive brain i think.
7. Mariah enjoys taking her pants off and frolicking around ( like aunt like daughter)
8. Threatening to spank either of them with "the spoon" instantly brings tears to their eyes. I love it. I feel so powerful. Muahahaha!
9. Inevitably Joshua will break something at our house.
10. Mariah loves my room. She always gets on my bed and gets my Woody doll from Toy Story and holds him with a ninja-like grip until she has to leave.
11. I have to watch out for Joshua bc his head is so huge he sometimes falls over randomly on it.
12. DON'T breathe while changing Joshua's diaper. Just...don't...
13. Running on a treadmill for an hour is not an option when watching these children--or any for that matter so they say. If you make the mistake of trying to do so, Mariah will end up with barbeque sauce all over herself and Joshua will have taken every object possible out of every cabinet he can reach. A.K.A.... i am an idiot for thinking i could get away with that.
I love my niece and nephew :)
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