I've decided to write a blog about my mom. Every week i think i might pick someone to blog about....family, friends etc... :) Who better to start off with than the one who physically gave me life, eh?
My mom has always told me that "family will always be there" and this hadn't landed on me until my stay in San Francisco. Suddenly i was thrust into an environment where select people didn't get my jokes, think i was funny, smart, talented or really all that interesting. I shut down. I was so used to having a mother who encouraged me and told me each day how "amazing" i was. Of course i always laughed off her compliments, but they were also nice to hear.
Since being here i have learned not to find my worth in other people's opinion of me and to find my worth ultimately in God. I have also learned that i actually care way more what my mother thinks of me than random people i've only known a short time. She has encouraged me along the way, even telling me of a previous and similar experience she had one summer many years ago. She works so hard. She has 3 jobs and works nights at the hospital on weekends ( they SO over-work her). And yet, she always goes in and does it. She perseveres even when she deals with tiredness ( emotionally...physically) and she is a huge inspiration to me to keep going down the path God has for me even when its hard because the reward out weighs the hard journey.
What i miss/love about her:
Her smile, her COOKING ( dear lord..), her random and loud outburst of song and dance, her listening to me when no one else will ( and actually caring what i say), that she is obsessed with vampire books and movies and this gives me hope she will obsess about Harry Potter with me too, her cute style, the way she loves our dogs even though they smell bad and annoy me, and how adorable she is in general! She scrapbooks and makes stationary for me all the time. I just think its cute.
I'm actually tearing up writing this. I miss my mom but i get to see her in two weeks so its all good :) i just wanted to write about her and tell yall why she is a special person to me.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
When soul meets body
Tonight me, Lina(intern), Maggie( intern) and Jen (staff) went out to Broadway and did a strip club outreach. We brought cute bags with makeup inside ready for 9 clubs. We prayed days beforehand and a few hours before going out, me and the interns prayed for about an hour. We prayed for the women we would encounter, the bouncers, managers etc and just that God would give us favor and open doors.
God blew us away.
We decided to go to the easy clubs first ( the ones we already had relationships with). I got the privilege of talking to a few women before entering the 2nd club with Jen. Let me rewind first though....Earlier that day i was having a pretty crappy day. Things just werent going as i wanted and i was finding myself filled with my own flesh rather than the spirit and i didn't like it. Luckily, we prayed before we went out and i think that really helped me to get into the right mind set and prepare me for what i was about to experience. Before, i was nervous....anxious and really almost wanted to cop out and say " i can't do this...its too much". But i persevered and went into the club with a peace in me. Yes..there was alot of nakedness, but you learn to look into people's eyes, smile and ask their name and that all goes away. If you know me though, you know how awkward i am and how much i do not enjoy seeing people without clothes. It goes without saying that God took me out of my comfort zone.
We also talked to many of the bouncers and prayed for them. What was interesting was that nearly ALL of them, including some managers asked us to pray they would find another job and one said " i feel stuck". It was apparent to me that not only are the girls in this industry feeling trapped, but the people who are running it are AS WELL. How huge is that?
We were able to pray for many of the women as well and Jen said she couldnt believe how much favor from God we had. We were able to go into clubs that usually they havent gone into. It was like a full on miracle. Every encounter seemed to reveal to us that God was present and with us and had intricately woven this night out before we had even prayed for him to. One bouncer we prayed for nearly cried. I'm serious. Lina told him he was worthy and that she saw that he had hopes and dreams and that God was going to get him out of the industry. before she had said this, he was closed off and seemed like he didn't care to be prayed for, but his eyes looked into hers and his whole face shifted as if he really believed what she was saying and he knew it was true that he was unhappy in this business. I almost cried. It was just so obvious that God was working on the hearts of these people. And to add to that, one bouncer we talked to didnt want us to pray for him at first and then we "accidentally" ( no accident here) ran into him later and he asked us to pray for his friend and then said God is too busy to answer HIS prayers. We told him that God is big enough to care and the look in his eyes.......man. It was just such a sweet moment. Like he really received that as truth.
All in all, it was a great night. We met alot of people and it was just good to realize that God IS good. Even at a couple of clubs, we didnt get to go inside but we trusted God was still good and one of those clubs happend to be the one where we prayed for the man who i mentioned earlier. If we had gone in, that conversation would not have happend. God's is sovereign. Period.
And i can't tell you how many people said "you made my night". It was just a great experience and i know this is an issue that most people don't talk about. But we have to go to these places and meet people where they're at. Obviously, its complicated at times, but the Holy spirit is in control. And i am MORE than okay with that.
God blew us away.
We decided to go to the easy clubs first ( the ones we already had relationships with). I got the privilege of talking to a few women before entering the 2nd club with Jen. Let me rewind first though....Earlier that day i was having a pretty crappy day. Things just werent going as i wanted and i was finding myself filled with my own flesh rather than the spirit and i didn't like it. Luckily, we prayed before we went out and i think that really helped me to get into the right mind set and prepare me for what i was about to experience. Before, i was nervous....anxious and really almost wanted to cop out and say " i can't do this...its too much". But i persevered and went into the club with a peace in me. Yes..there was alot of nakedness, but you learn to look into people's eyes, smile and ask their name and that all goes away. If you know me though, you know how awkward i am and how much i do not enjoy seeing people without clothes. It goes without saying that God took me out of my comfort zone.
We also talked to many of the bouncers and prayed for them. What was interesting was that nearly ALL of them, including some managers asked us to pray they would find another job and one said " i feel stuck". It was apparent to me that not only are the girls in this industry feeling trapped, but the people who are running it are AS WELL. How huge is that?
We were able to pray for many of the women as well and Jen said she couldnt believe how much favor from God we had. We were able to go into clubs that usually they havent gone into. It was like a full on miracle. Every encounter seemed to reveal to us that God was present and with us and had intricately woven this night out before we had even prayed for him to. One bouncer we prayed for nearly cried. I'm serious. Lina told him he was worthy and that she saw that he had hopes and dreams and that God was going to get him out of the industry. before she had said this, he was closed off and seemed like he didn't care to be prayed for, but his eyes looked into hers and his whole face shifted as if he really believed what she was saying and he knew it was true that he was unhappy in this business. I almost cried. It was just so obvious that God was working on the hearts of these people. And to add to that, one bouncer we talked to didnt want us to pray for him at first and then we "accidentally" ( no accident here) ran into him later and he asked us to pray for his friend and then said God is too busy to answer HIS prayers. We told him that God is big enough to care and the look in his eyes.......man. It was just such a sweet moment. Like he really received that as truth.
All in all, it was a great night. We met alot of people and it was just good to realize that God IS good. Even at a couple of clubs, we didnt get to go inside but we trusted God was still good and one of those clubs happend to be the one where we prayed for the man who i mentioned earlier. If we had gone in, that conversation would not have happend. God's is sovereign. Period.
And i can't tell you how many people said "you made my night". It was just a great experience and i know this is an issue that most people don't talk about. But we have to go to these places and meet people where they're at. Obviously, its complicated at times, but the Holy spirit is in control. And i am MORE than okay with that.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Week 1
So, i survived my first week in San Fran! It's only been a week but has felt like a month. This place will do that to you.
When i first got to the base ( YWAM), i walked into the drop in center ( the Ellis Room), which is where our homeless ministry goes on primarily. It was chaotic, loud and i hadn't slept a wink on the plane, so i was a bit overwhelmed to say the least. I went to my room and found a bunk ( i have 4 roommates) then one of the interns took me out to brunch. After that i went back to my room to read over my manual and i called my sister and my mom. I tried to sound happy on the phone but my attempts failed. It was obvious to both of them i didn't want to be here. In fact i said " i hate it here. I want to go home....now.". I didn't feel very welcomed at first and i was meeting so many people that it was difficult to remember names and while the city is interesting, it is also kind of a hard place. Ex: I saw a woman searching the cracks in the sidewalk for crack this morning. However, the week got better...then it got stagnant, then bad again. Yeah, kind of a rollercoaster. The ministry itself is awesome and i love what we are doing. It's just been hard finding my place and feeling accepted here. I'm the new kid.Maybe im just really awkward. I've been super introverted the past few days. Mostly though, this week has been filled with orientations, meetings and a bit of outreach here and there. I have a few projects i'm getting started on this week such as: flyers for an upcoming event, fundraising,updating our maps for prayer walks etc. We have prayer walks through the city and churches come in and we talk to them about human trafficking and then take them on the walk. I did it my fourth day and was shocked i could lead anything in a city so foreign to me!
The weekend was good. I got to hang out with my friend Tyler and some of his church friends at a Korean restaurant Friday, then Saturday the interns and Ruthie ( director of BJM) went to Sausalito, after hiking in Miur Woods ( i hate hiking....omg). Then Sunday i went to church ( took a bus...whoop whoop) and hung out the rest of the day with my new friend meredith. We went to FIsherman's Wharf and drove around...i saw a naked man. It was scarring. Whatever....thats San fran for ya. Sunday night we went to a charismatic church ( eh..) and then we had to take the subway to get to the base bc there were two women who needed help. It's a crazy life here! Monday was the 4th obviously, and the interns and i went to Berkeley for the day and hung out and i bought a souvenir for Courtney. Then we went to the beach and i didnt really get to spend any time on the beach bc i was in search of a bathroom. I found a thai restaurant and went in....the only way i could go to the bathroom was if i bought something. So i swallowed my pride and sat down and ordered rice...then i saw the bathroom was out of order, so i said peace out and walked a few blocks to a random place. Then we left and went to one of the intern's sister's home. It was really nice there. We grilled out and then watched fireworks and stayed the night. It was a good day.
Ive been toughing it out the best i can. But prayers would be nice. Its just been hard adjusting but for the most part i love it and i know God is sanctifying me. I know this is where i need to be and God is doing a work in me. Its just hard. I feel really alone at times. But i'll get over it eventually. I've realized that the ONLY way i will survive is if i rely on God. Otherwise ill be miserable ( not ALL the time...but you know). I need God more than anything....and im realizing that more and more.
Also pray for two of our women * Dana and * Mary who are battling drugs and homelessness.
Pray that i will be able to focus on what im doing here and not let anything get in the way of that. I can tell Satan is really trying to get to me. Especially in my personal life. So just pray for me and the ministry. Sorry if this post seems depressing. It is what it is though and i'm just being real with you.
When i first got to the base ( YWAM), i walked into the drop in center ( the Ellis Room), which is where our homeless ministry goes on primarily. It was chaotic, loud and i hadn't slept a wink on the plane, so i was a bit overwhelmed to say the least. I went to my room and found a bunk ( i have 4 roommates) then one of the interns took me out to brunch. After that i went back to my room to read over my manual and i called my sister and my mom. I tried to sound happy on the phone but my attempts failed. It was obvious to both of them i didn't want to be here. In fact i said " i hate it here. I want to go home....now.". I didn't feel very welcomed at first and i was meeting so many people that it was difficult to remember names and while the city is interesting, it is also kind of a hard place. Ex: I saw a woman searching the cracks in the sidewalk for crack this morning. However, the week got better...then it got stagnant, then bad again. Yeah, kind of a rollercoaster. The ministry itself is awesome and i love what we are doing. It's just been hard finding my place and feeling accepted here. I'm the new kid.Maybe im just really awkward. I've been super introverted the past few days. Mostly though, this week has been filled with orientations, meetings and a bit of outreach here and there. I have a few projects i'm getting started on this week such as: flyers for an upcoming event, fundraising,updating our maps for prayer walks etc. We have prayer walks through the city and churches come in and we talk to them about human trafficking and then take them on the walk. I did it my fourth day and was shocked i could lead anything in a city so foreign to me!
The weekend was good. I got to hang out with my friend Tyler and some of his church friends at a Korean restaurant Friday, then Saturday the interns and Ruthie ( director of BJM) went to Sausalito, after hiking in Miur Woods ( i hate hiking....omg). Then Sunday i went to church ( took a bus...whoop whoop) and hung out the rest of the day with my new friend meredith. We went to FIsherman's Wharf and drove around...i saw a naked man. It was scarring. Whatever....thats San fran for ya. Sunday night we went to a charismatic church ( eh..) and then we had to take the subway to get to the base bc there were two women who needed help. It's a crazy life here! Monday was the 4th obviously, and the interns and i went to Berkeley for the day and hung out and i bought a souvenir for Courtney. Then we went to the beach and i didnt really get to spend any time on the beach bc i was in search of a bathroom. I found a thai restaurant and went in....the only way i could go to the bathroom was if i bought something. So i swallowed my pride and sat down and ordered rice...then i saw the bathroom was out of order, so i said peace out and walked a few blocks to a random place. Then we left and went to one of the intern's sister's home. It was really nice there. We grilled out and then watched fireworks and stayed the night. It was a good day.
Ive been toughing it out the best i can. But prayers would be nice. Its just been hard adjusting but for the most part i love it and i know God is sanctifying me. I know this is where i need to be and God is doing a work in me. Its just hard. I feel really alone at times. But i'll get over it eventually. I've realized that the ONLY way i will survive is if i rely on God. Otherwise ill be miserable ( not ALL the time...but you know). I need God more than anything....and im realizing that more and more.
Also pray for two of our women * Dana and * Mary who are battling drugs and homelessness.
Pray that i will be able to focus on what im doing here and not let anything get in the way of that. I can tell Satan is really trying to get to me. Especially in my personal life. So just pray for me and the ministry. Sorry if this post seems depressing. It is what it is though and i'm just being real with you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)