I leave in one week from the hottest and most humid-est place on earth. Mmmm.
I have some reservations about leaving, though. I mean, i'm a little worried about going off on my own. I'm also worried about really dumb, miniscule things too. Such as...
1. I'm scared of flying alone....and yes, we have previously gone over this in my last blog, but i'm even scared about being "alone". I like being alone sometimes, don't get me wrong....but the idea of wandering around an airport in the wee hours of the morning slightly frightens me.
2. I'm nervous about sitting next to someone i don't know on the plane. Yep, we're still on the flying fear right now. I mean, i am probably, most definitely the most awkward person i know. Example: If i am walking somewhere and someone is in my way, i will completely go out of my way and make a detours around them, just so i don't have to utter the words "excuse me"....because for some reason when i say it out loud, it sounds, well, rude. Maybe i'm being paranoid, but i refrain from using those words at all costs for fear of being thought bossy. My friend Davis pointed out to me the other day when we were out and about that i do this. I explained to him my very good reason ( atleast i thought it was) and he said "Lindsay, you just say 'excuse me' and they move...thats it". He made it seem SO simple. Maybe it is. That's one thing i envy about him. He is so chill about pretty much everything and when i hang out with him, i become chill too. I need more chill people in my life!
3. BJM is arranging for some kind soul to pick me up from the airport once i get in. I am thankful for this because i'm not sure i could find where i need to go without the help of a San Franciscian. However, that being said....i'm wondering if this person will have a big sign with my name on it ( and if it will be inevitably spelled wrong) and how slightly awkward it will be to walk toward this person and introduce myself. yeah, once again...i am awkward and even introducing myself is a huge feat for me. Something i will get over while i'm there...im sure.
and last but not least 4. I will be staying in the shadiest part of town, called "The Tenderloin"....google it and prepare to be terrified for me. Maybe i'm being dramatic, but a girl who works at BJM got her phone stolen the other day, so maybe not. I'm going to be working with these people and so it makes sense to stay in the area i will be working at, right? And while that makes sense, it also scares the crap out of me. If you know me, you know i am the most paranoid person, possibly ever. I overanalyze everything and i think about death almost everyday. I'm not really scared of death but i often imagine myself dying in weird ways throughout the day. Morbid, right? So being in a high crime area isn't the best mix.
I think i'll be fine. yeah i kind of go back and forth between being a really dramatic, paranoid and awkward person to a really chill, relaxed and sort of "i got this" character. My personality is frustrating sometimes, Maybe its just the Holy Spirit calming me lol. I think God definitely is going to get me out of my comfort zone and get me to realize that yeah, where i'm staying may not be pleasant but thats not why im there. It's not a vacation. It's a chance to rescue these women out of a very difficult life and share the gospel at the same time. When i remind myself THAT is what life is about....not having a comfy place to be....then i am able to be some where uncomfortable with complete comfort in that God is good. And the same God that protects me in Hattiesburg is the same God that will protect me in San Francisco.
Peace.
PS. i got an email from the person who will be picking me up and she spelled my name wrong. haha who saw that one coming?
